Are you looking but not looking for love? Do you long to find your soul mate?

If you are looking without trying to seem like you are looking that is understandable. None of us likes to feel undignified.

Perhaps you could develop a new perspective about looking, and move into enjoying it, rather than seeing it as something that is beneath you. Looking could mean that you are ready to take responsibility for your own happiness, whom you meet, whom you choose to go out with, and the quality of relationship you want. The best approach of all is to consider the process of looking for someone as your great adventure.

Here are some ideas to help you in your search:

Tell people you want to meet someone.

Being introduced to someone by people who know you makes a lot of sense. Networking and asking friends and relatives to scout for you is one of the most effective ways of meeting others. It helps to have friends screen potential dates. It can save you a lot of time in getting to know and trust someone. If you are out of high school or college, you are going to have to take the initiative if you want to date. That initiative starts with asking others for help.

Do some planning to get out more often.

I cant think of anything worth having that does not take some planning, focus, and skills. Invariably, working for what you want also involves ups and downs. Did you sail through school with no struggles? Not too many people didand thats my point. You worked for it, and made your way through the challenges with as much grace as possible. So be prepared to do the work to find places to go and people to go with. Further, design a dating plan that includes going places, scouting, sorting, and screening potential dates.

Be friendly and reach out to people.

Extend yourself to people to make some new friends. By building a stronger social network, and developing a good attitude, you will increase the likelihood of meeting someone. You need to practice your social skills if you are going to go new places and talk to new potential dates. A different attitude leads to different behavior which creates new and different results.

Learn to use the internet for dating.

Get a good book about how to proceed with effective internet dating. It's important to learn how to write an interesting profile. Read other peoples' profiles to get ideas about the ones you like. If you have tried one site and it did not work, try another.

Polish yourself up.

What would it take for you to feel attractive? Do you need a hair or clothes makeover? Do you need to start working out at the gym? Or perhaps you need to learn some new skills to feel better about your career potential? Ask yourself what would give you new energy and make plans to do something about it.

Don't be afraid to acknowledge to yourself and to others that you are looking. The first step to getting who and what you want is to know what that is and stop keeping it a secret. The second step is to take action. Good luck. You can do it.

Tonja Weimer

Tonja Evetts Weimer is a Master Certified singles relationship and life coach, speaker, syndicated columnist and author.

Tonja is a full time professional coach with a practice in Greenville, SC. She helps individuals, especially singles, re-craft their lives and find happiness and success in their career and relationships. Some of Tonja's professional activities include:

==> Syndicated singles relationship columnist, writing SAVVY DATING, a weekly column read by over a million readers in many U.S newspapers. Tonja's column addresses relationship and life issues of interest to all adults, but particularly to the over 110 million singles in the U.S. Tonja has also had articles published in New Woman, Hope, and House Beautiful magazines, and has won 3 Matrix Awards for her writing.

==> Motivational speaker, Tonja has been a keynote presenter at national and international conferences over the last 30 years.

==> Author of materials for educators and parents (7 books, six music albums and 2 videos), which have won 22 awards.

Some Speaking and Media Highlights:

==> Keynote speaker for 2004 Women?s Issues Network Conference, Sumter, SC.

==> Keynote speaker for 2002 Parents as Teachers International Conference, St. Louis, MO.

==> Keynote speaker for 1999 International Conference for Children & Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder.

==> Keynote speaker for 1998 European Education Conference, in Mannheim, Germany.

==> Keynote speaker in 35 U.S. states at educational conferences.

==> Presenter at the International Special Olympics in Notre Dame, at the request of Eunice Kennedy Shriver.

==> Created Space Songs for Children, at the request of NASA (album taken into space by astronauts three times.)

==> Appeared on CNN?s Showbiz Today and many other TV shows.

Educational and Professional Qualifications:

==> National Fellow (U.S. Dept. of Education.) M.A. in Human Development and Education, with an emphasis on creativity.

==> Master Certified Singles Relationship Coach, Relationship Coaching Institute.

==> Personal Life Coach, Graduate, Institute for Life Coach Training.

==> Member, International Coaching Federation